I'm not fond of self-pity.. But...

I need a break for awhile. This has not been a very good few weeks. I feel like since I left the doctors a few weeks ago things just aren't coordinated enough for me. I'm really excited that my Dad and Step-Mom will be here today. That's not it at all. I'm just not feeling mentally and physically well. I keep blowing up at the kids. I think that might be why Kaytlin has been acting up at school. I'm not sure about the timing though. It could be that I'm the one acting up because she's acting up and I just don't know what to do to help her. I just don't know what to do period. I keep going through the motions of daily life but something just keeps bothering me. It could be that we're coming up on that time of the year again. This year will be very hard because dad and charlene will be here. And I'm never in a very good mood on that day. This year I will be entertaining and I know that they wont want to talk about it. So I feel like I'll just be faking my happiness when all I really want to do is crawl in bed and cry myself to sleep for a few days. What's even harder is I really want to talk to someone who understands but nobody does. My hubby is supportive but I don't think he really understands. I would give ANYTHING to talk to her one more time. I just want to hear her say she loves me and would be proud of me. I don't know what I'm doing and she should be here guiding me. Instead I feel like I'm going blind. I know I have heavenly father but I really just want my mom. I love you mom.
-Pamala